working hard and working too hard

I have a habit of working really hard on academic pursuits, and my biggest fear about montessori is that it really requires so much time to prepare the environment and come up with jobs and shop for materials and observe the children and talk to the parents. I really idealize that 9-5 schedule where once you are done work, you're done. But, I am pretty certain that is a myth. Even folks that work 9-5 still come home stressed about how they are treated at work, even if they don't have to physically sit at their computer and continue plugging away. And traditional teacher have loads of out of school work to complete, but they get socked with paper work and the latest mandated paperwasters, which hopefully i won't have to deal with as a montessorian.

I guess I'm just scared of the work. Like, am I really good enough for this? Can I really mantain the energy to keep doing this for a number of years? Will training be a "good investment"? What if I don't have what it takes to stick with this? Or what if I work my hardest and I'm still not as good a teacher as I want to be?

I really need to get over the self-doubt. Of course I can think like this, but I don't really have an indication of myself being an unskilled teacher. I work well with children all ready, and every year I'm learning plenty more about guidance and management, as well as instruction.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I'm really so incredibly tired of working with burnt out teachers that teach me what not to do. Is it worth it to work with someone who still has the magic before I'm in the position of having my own classroom? This seems like a big risk, too. Because will I be damning myself for giving up something I started?

Ah, thinking.

happy 100 and a new year

Happy 100 years, Maria! You are the #1 genius soul sister shining light in my life. Thanks for inspiring me to embrace my own life and the lives' of children in a new way.

Here's my Montessori new year's resolutions:

1) Learn more about peace education
2) Complete more training over the summer (especially language)
3) Post my albums digitally for myself and maybe other folks
4) Observe 6-9 and 9-12 classrooms in action
5) Continue building my children's book library
6) Develop awesome author studies and post here